Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
