He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
