I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
