We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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