There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
