Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
