Sry I called you an 8
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
