the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
