Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
