i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
