I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
