You made me cry and you don't even care
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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