I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
