last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
