New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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