His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
