i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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