I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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