I accidentally had phone sex last night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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