this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
