The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
