i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
