I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
