Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
