So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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