I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
