wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
