People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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