Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
