so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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