You don't have asthma, your pregnant
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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