Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
