You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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