What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
