Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
