my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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