its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
