im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
