What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
