I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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