I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
