I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
