Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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