I think i sorta joined a cult last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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