i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
