Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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