Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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