It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
