Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
