proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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