I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
