I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, beer. Big fan.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
