My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
